Jesus, Son Of David, Have Mercy On Me!!

It's been over a month and I am pushing onward. I've been thinking alot about happiness and I've decided that happiness is a state of mind we can choose to be. I keep reminding myself that Matt would want me to be happy because he never liked for me to be sad or upset in any way. My God WANTS me to be happy. The reason I think happiness is a choice is because I know that right now if I choose to give into my sorrow, it could very well consume me. That doesn't mean I don't think people should grieve, because they should. Grieving and tears are a healthy and necessary means of healing, but too much of the same thing can cause the opposite effect. I often pray for God to give me strength and peace and to help me feel his love because I don't know what else to pray for. You see, sometimes I get so overwhelmed by memories and feelings that I literally cannot think. I try to think, but nothing comes. I try to make sentences, but I'm lucky to get two words that go together. I've decided that that is okay too. God knows my heart. He knows my pain. He knows that I love him. Paul Richardson said today, "when you don't know what to say, say this: Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me! over and over again.
When someone passes on to receive God's promised inheritance you can't help but to wonder what thats like, but the bible says that it is so wonderful that we can't even imagine it. So I challenge you to think of the most wonderful setting you can think of. The place you are the happiest and then say to yourself....God's promised inheritance for his children is SO SO much better than this. It is comforting to know that when Matt left this world he went to heaven to celebrate and worship with his Dad and Grandfather.
Some people say, "Don't be angry with God." Let me assure you, I AM NOT angry with God. In fact I have had some very real conversations with him that have reminded me how much he loves me. God did not ask my permission to bring Matt into this world. He did not ask me for permission to give Matt to me as a gift of love, and he did not need to ask my permission to take him home. God blesses us all with gifts in the form of people. Matt came as a gift in the form of: a friend, husband, encourager, son, brother, uncle, and many other forms. I encourage all of you to look at the people who surround your life and treat them, love them as God's precious loving gift to you.