Jesus, Son Of David, Have Mercy On Me!!

It's been over a month and I am pushing onward. I've been thinking alot about happiness and I've decided that happiness is a state of mind we can choose to be. I keep reminding myself that Matt would want me to be happy because he never liked for me to be sad or upset in any way. My God WANTS me to be happy. The reason I think happiness is a choice is because I know that right now if I choose to give into my sorrow, it could very well consume me. That doesn't mean I don't think people should grieve, because they should. Grieving and tears are a healthy and necessary means of healing, but too much of the same thing can cause the opposite effect. I often pray for God to give me strength and peace and to help me feel his love because I don't know what else to pray for. You see, sometimes I get so overwhelmed by memories and feelings that I literally cannot think. I try to think, but nothing comes. I try to make sentences, but I'm lucky to get two words that go together. I've decided that that is okay too. God knows my heart. He knows my pain. He knows that I love him. Paul Richardson said today, "when you don't know what to say, say this: Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me! over and over again.
When someone passes on to receive God's promised inheritance you can't help but to wonder what thats like, but the bible says that it is so wonderful that we can't even imagine it. So I challenge you to think of the most wonderful setting you can think of. The place you are the happiest and then say to yourself....God's promised inheritance for his children is SO SO much better than this. It is comforting to know that when Matt left this world he went to heaven to celebrate and worship with his Dad and Grandfather.
Some people say, "Don't be angry with God." Let me assure you, I AM NOT angry with God. In fact I have had some very real conversations with him that have reminded me how much he loves me. God did not ask my permission to bring Matt into this world. He did not ask me for permission to give Matt to me as a gift of love, and he did not need to ask my permission to take him home. God blesses us all with gifts in the form of people. Matt came as a gift in the form of: a friend, husband, encourager, son, brother, uncle, and many other forms. I encourage all of you to look at the people who surround your life and treat them, love them as God's precious loving gift to you.

Day By Day And With Each Passing Moment

Most people are asking how I'm doing and what they can do for me following the death of my husband. My answer is: I'm healing. With each day that passes by I can feel God's strength inside me. I can feel his love surrounding me each day. My emotions change each minute of the day, but I have a peace inside of me that can only have come from God above. I have days that are worse than others, I have moments that I feel like screaming and crying, and the best thing I know to do when I have these moments is to scream and cry. God is allowing me to grieve, but he is there holding me and I feel it. As for what I need, I need prayer by name. I need people to love me enough to pray aloud for me by name, to call on God to continue to bring his strength, peace, and love to me with each passing moment. I can tell you that I FEEL YOUR PRAYERS. I want to express my gratitude to each and everyone of you who have held me close in the last 2 weeks, I want to thank you for loving and praying for me each day, I want to ask you to please don't stop because your prayers are powerful and God hears them. Thank you to everyone again for all the things you have done for me. I will be forever great full.

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for! fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,
He whose name is Counsellor and Pow'r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
"As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,"
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then, in every tribulation,
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation,
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father's hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till with Christ the Lord I stand.