I Feel Like David

I was reading in Psalm 13 this morning and realized I feel like David and I are kindred spirits.

(1) How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? (2) How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?

So many times I have felt like God was hiding his face from me, but the truth is that when I feel this way, it is me that's doing the hiding. Amazingly like always when I quit hiding my face from him, I can see all that he has done and is continuing to do in my life and those around me. David goes on to say:

(3) Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; (4) my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

I wonder if David was just merely stating his thoughts or demanding an answer from God. For me, I have often demanded for God to give me an answer. Why God Why? The more time passes, I don't think I really need to know the answer to this question, and if I keep searching I will never find it. I think even if he told me why, it wouldn't be a good enough reason to satisfy me. Sound selfish? It should, because it is selfish. Out of my love for Matt, no where in my plan of things would he ever be separated from me. I allowed the enemy triumph over me for a couple of months, but I have drawn closer to God within the last several months than I have ever been before. It took me a little while to realize that it is not 'my plans' that I should be living for. As I have learned, 'my plans' can be forever altered. God's plans are so much better than any I could ever develop on my own. I have a peace inside that has brought happiness to me. I am being honest when I admit that this is a huge struggle for me to overcome. I sometimes feel guilty for the happiness, but I know that it has been given to my by Christ himself. Why should I feel guilty? Isn't this what I prayed for and continue to pray for? God has so graciously wrapped his arms around me so that I can feel him. So like David:

(5) But I will trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. (6) I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.