Livin Life and Makin Choices

I've had alot on my mind these past few weeks and to be honest most everything on it was painful. It has been over 6 months since I lost my best friend and husband Matt and that was difficult to deal with. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Matt, but there is something about knowing I've lived six months without him that tears me up inside. As hard as it was, I have wonderful memories that flow through me that make me smile, laugh, and cry. I pray that I never forget these things and I believe that I never will. I think my precious memories are a gift from God, a gift that he will not take away from me. A gift that I will treasure all the days of my life. I've lost my focus over the last couple of months and I'm trying hard to regain it. Sometimes I forget that my reason for living is not about me, but merely I am a voice and a witness for Jesus.
Other unmentionable things occurred last week as well that left me confused and hurt by a friend. It's truly amazing how fast bad news can travel. When I say bad news, what I'm really saying is false information. For the first time in months, I allowed myself to trust and now that the trust is broken, I've put up a wall of protection again. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Regardless, I was having a conversation with some friends and we were talking about God's grace and ever so clear I heard God say to me, "I show you grace and compassion when you do not deserve it." That was Sunday, and Sunday I was so mad and hurt, so to hear God say that to me, I was like "Really God, Really? You want me to show grace and compassion to those who do not deserve it? After all this?" I was shocked and speechless. The mental debate I had with myself to believe it or not is almost comical now. The truth is, it doesn't matter what really happened or what was really said. When you choose to forgive someone, you either forgive them or you don't. There is no in between. I made the decision to show grace and compassion out of obedience to God before I ever heard my friend's side of the story. I chose to forgive.

At The End Of The Day...

Troy brought up a good question in church today. That question is: At the end of the day, is your life working for you? Sometimes it's hard to figure out what's working and what's not. I think we have to take inventory of our lives to see what we have too much of and what we don't have enough of. Determine what brings forth a happy healthy you and what tears you down. I love the scripture that was brought with this question.

Haggai 1: 6-7

6 You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it."
7 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways.

I know I have felt this way as I think most all of us have. I know I should give more thought to my ways, but often choose to do what I think is best without considering God. My ways often take me down wrong or broken paths that are disguised early on as fun interesting way to go. The follow up verse is amazing and reassuring that God loves us and his path is the right way to go if only we will choose it.

Haggai 2:9

9 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the LORD Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the LORD Almighty."

If Only For Today, I'm Thankful For The Taste

Praise be to God! I pray father that I will never forget May 11th for today you granted me the taste of happiness. I had forgotten what it was like and there is no reason behind it, I just am. I am happy and even if it goes away by tomorrow, I am thankful for a taste. I have hope in you God! I have happiness with YOU! "Do not be grieved for the joy of the Lord is your(MY)strength(Nehemiah 8:9)!"

Jesus, Son Of David, Have Mercy On Me!!

It's been over a month and I am pushing onward. I've been thinking alot about happiness and I've decided that happiness is a state of mind we can choose to be. I keep reminding myself that Matt would want me to be happy because he never liked for me to be sad or upset in any way. My God WANTS me to be happy. The reason I think happiness is a choice is because I know that right now if I choose to give into my sorrow, it could very well consume me. That doesn't mean I don't think people should grieve, because they should. Grieving and tears are a healthy and necessary means of healing, but too much of the same thing can cause the opposite effect. I often pray for God to give me strength and peace and to help me feel his love because I don't know what else to pray for. You see, sometimes I get so overwhelmed by memories and feelings that I literally cannot think. I try to think, but nothing comes. I try to make sentences, but I'm lucky to get two words that go together. I've decided that that is okay too. God knows my heart. He knows my pain. He knows that I love him. Paul Richardson said today, "when you don't know what to say, say this: Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me! over and over again.
When someone passes on to receive God's promised inheritance you can't help but to wonder what thats like, but the bible says that it is so wonderful that we can't even imagine it. So I challenge you to think of the most wonderful setting you can think of. The place you are the happiest and then say to yourself....God's promised inheritance for his children is SO SO much better than this. It is comforting to know that when Matt left this world he went to heaven to celebrate and worship with his Dad and Grandfather.
Some people say, "Don't be angry with God." Let me assure you, I AM NOT angry with God. In fact I have had some very real conversations with him that have reminded me how much he loves me. God did not ask my permission to bring Matt into this world. He did not ask me for permission to give Matt to me as a gift of love, and he did not need to ask my permission to take him home. God blesses us all with gifts in the form of people. Matt came as a gift in the form of: a friend, husband, encourager, son, brother, uncle, and many other forms. I encourage all of you to look at the people who surround your life and treat them, love them as God's precious loving gift to you.

Day By Day And With Each Passing Moment

Most people are asking how I'm doing and what they can do for me following the death of my husband. My answer is: I'm healing. With each day that passes by I can feel God's strength inside me. I can feel his love surrounding me each day. My emotions change each minute of the day, but I have a peace inside of me that can only have come from God above. I have days that are worse than others, I have moments that I feel like screaming and crying, and the best thing I know to do when I have these moments is to scream and cry. God is allowing me to grieve, but he is there holding me and I feel it. As for what I need, I need prayer by name. I need people to love me enough to pray aloud for me by name, to call on God to continue to bring his strength, peace, and love to me with each passing moment. I can tell you that I FEEL YOUR PRAYERS. I want to express my gratitude to each and everyone of you who have held me close in the last 2 weeks, I want to thank you for loving and praying for me each day, I want to ask you to please don't stop because your prayers are powerful and God hears them. Thank you to everyone again for all the things you have done for me. I will be forever great full.

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,
I've no cause for worry or for! fear.
He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best,
Lovingly its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord Himself is near me,
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear and cheer me,
He whose name is Counsellor and Pow'r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
"As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,"
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then, in every tribulation,
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith's sweet consolation,
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father's hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till with Christ the Lord I stand.

The Dump

First, let me say that the dump is not somewhere I normally go to buy furniture, but in this case it was the best place :) Just not the dump you're thinking of.

I have been hearing about The Dump for a couple of weeks, so when it opened I decided to go for a visit. They are only open Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but this store is awesome!! They have all kinds of furniture, mattresses, and house accessories for next to nothing. If you get a chance check it out. They are located on Sydney Marcus in Buckhead. Really cool place!!

God Will Wipe Away Every Tear

The link below is one of my co-workers, who opens up on his thoughts of the Penske shooting and God.



http://www.impactatapostles.com/messages/Untitled/God%20Will%20Wipe%20Away%20Every%20Tear.mp3

Snow Day Feb 12/13, 2010

Although I am suffering from a very nasty cold...we took advantage of the Snow!! I named the smallest Snowman Rambo. Matt was a big help, because I couldn't stay outside for long. Hope everyone enjoyed their Valentine's Day!

GO COLTS!!!

The Beginning of 2010

This year has been full of joy and sadness already. This past June, Matt and I decided to schedule a cruise (a much needed vacation) to Mexico for January 16th - 21st. Little did I know, this vacation would not come at a more perfect time. On the Tuesday prior to our vacation I had to experience something I never thought I would. As many of you already know, a tragedy struck the company I work for. The day of and the days to follow were very trying, but I cannot express my gratitude enough for the number of people who called out of concern and the prayers that were prayed for the people involved directly and afar. I will always be amazed and in awe of the number of people who offered support to my co-workers in such a devastating time. I can honestly say without any doubt, that I work for one of the most family oriented companies around. God has shown himself to me through my work and the love of others. Although we live in a very scary world, there are still alot of loving and compassionate people out there.
Thank you father for everyone who has and continues to pray for us. I am so amazed by the love and support I have personaly received. I pray for your blessings on the families and friends who have lost someone they love and for the survivors and their families. I pray for healing physically and mentally. I thank you father for your love.

Our cruise started off on the wrong foot. We were suppose to leave on the 16th. We could begin boarding at 12:30pm and set sail at 4pm. However, we ended up boarding at 1am and sailing at 3am on the 17th. Why? you may ask...well according to the lady who hosted us at the Mobile, AL Civic Center for 12 hours...the weather is really bad and it is too foggy for the ship to pull into the harbor. I think the truth is that the weather was partially responsible, but the huge naval vessel in the harbor that is 2nd in it's class being christened carried the majority of the delay ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Independence_(LCS-2) . So after finally being boarded we went to bed. The next day we awoke to the sea rearing its ugly head. I was so..so.. sick. At about 2pm, I had to get a shot in the butt to stop the vomiting. For all of you who are saying, "you should have taken Dramamine" let me make it very clear that I took 1 tablet at 9am on the 16th and again when I woke up on the 17th (around 8am). IT DID NOT WORK! The weather was so bad that even the crew members were down getting shots! The good news is that when we woke up the next morning, the weather was absolutely beautiful! SUNNY AND WARM! The rest of the trip was spectacular. We had so much fun, and even the sea sickness was worth it. I am ready for another vacation already :)

Today is Matt's 31st Birthday, so I'd like to wish him a very, very HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU HONEY (no matter how old you get)!!