Livin Life and Makin Choices

I've had alot on my mind these past few weeks and to be honest most everything on it was painful. It has been over 6 months since I lost my best friend and husband Matt and that was difficult to deal with. Not a day goes by that I don't think of Matt, but there is something about knowing I've lived six months without him that tears me up inside. As hard as it was, I have wonderful memories that flow through me that make me smile, laugh, and cry. I pray that I never forget these things and I believe that I never will. I think my precious memories are a gift from God, a gift that he will not take away from me. A gift that I will treasure all the days of my life. I've lost my focus over the last couple of months and I'm trying hard to regain it. Sometimes I forget that my reason for living is not about me, but merely I am a voice and a witness for Jesus.
Other unmentionable things occurred last week as well that left me confused and hurt by a friend. It's truly amazing how fast bad news can travel. When I say bad news, what I'm really saying is false information. For the first time in months, I allowed myself to trust and now that the trust is broken, I've put up a wall of protection again. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Regardless, I was having a conversation with some friends and we were talking about God's grace and ever so clear I heard God say to me, "I show you grace and compassion when you do not deserve it." That was Sunday, and Sunday I was so mad and hurt, so to hear God say that to me, I was like "Really God, Really? You want me to show grace and compassion to those who do not deserve it? After all this?" I was shocked and speechless. The mental debate I had with myself to believe it or not is almost comical now. The truth is, it doesn't matter what really happened or what was really said. When you choose to forgive someone, you either forgive them or you don't. There is no in between. I made the decision to show grace and compassion out of obedience to God before I ever heard my friend's side of the story. I chose to forgive.